I Could Help
by AndrogynousOne
Summary: After her breakup with Solas, the Inquisitor struggles to accept help, even from those closest to her. (A few things I felt like saying to Solas during my play through and how I thought the Inquisitor's friends would support her)


** Story takes place after Inquisitor Lavellan (Rinny) has been dumped by Solas without allowing him to remove the Vallaslin. She is closest to Dorian and Sera and mothers Cole, who is now more human.**

"Cole, don't forget your jacket," Rinny said flatly, tossing it to him. Cole, Varric and Solas were prepping to head out to the Emerald Graves with her.

Cole stared at the blue jacket in his hands, "I don't like this one… it itches."

"I'll make you a new one when we get back but for now, just put it on, honey. I'm not having you get hurt."

Dorian motioned for her to come to him out of the room, out of earshot from the others. "Yeah?"

"Call me crazy for asking," he whispered in case anyone else was nearby. "But do you really think it's a good idea for you to be taking Solas with you?"

"Why should I have any problems with Solas?"

Dorian was fairly certain she was being sarcastic or reserved. "All I'm saying is that it seems an unnecessary complication."

"Nothing's complicated." Rinny seemed quite content at first.

"Then why can't I just go with you?"

"Dorian, everything's fine. You just worry about getting better."

"I've been better for a week. Why are you torturing yourself like this? Do you blame yourself for what happened? Do you really think things might have been different had you compromised your desires and allowed him to change your face? Which, by the way, is perfect."

"Look, Dorian, I'm not upset about his decision," she threw her hands up and smiled at him. "See? Not upset."

"First, you look constipated and second, you're completely transparent."

"Dorian!" She laughed and quickly lowered her voice before she started to speak again, afraid of drawing attention. "I will punch you in the face if you don't drop it."

"And here I thought you weren't upset?"

Rinny covered her face with both hands, groaning through closed lips at his annoying persistence, even if it was quite amusing. She kept trying to keep from laughing. "Oh Maker, you are so stupid, Dorian. Get out of here." She turned him around and started pushing him out of the room.

"Fine, fine," he started to walk away on his own. "But bring me a new staff grip from Val Royeaux. Mine is starting to unravel."

"We're not going to Val Royeaux."

"Yes, you are."

"No."

"Yes."

"Okay, you jerk."

"Thank you, be safe, I love you, hurry back."

Rinny rolled her eyes as she chuckled quietly to herself. "What a moron."

Cole approached her, no longer big on appearing suddenly, now that he was more human. He saw Dorian leave and told Rinny, "he is good for you right now. He chases away the hurt when he makes you smile."

She sighed but never stopped smiling, "there's no hurt, sweetie. I'm fine."

"Why are you lying?"

She sighed heavily, not interested in explaining things to him at present. "Can we just go?"

"Yes."

Not long after they arrived in the Emerald Graves, Cole was injured by a Red Templar. They returned him to camp and Rinny realized she was faced with the decision of who to leave him with. Though she would trust Scout Harding with anything, she hardly any faith that her subordinates could keep Cole safe.

"I know you want to stay with the kid," Varric told her, "but we came here for the rest of the shards and we can't leave without them."

"I will remain behind with him," Solas announced.

"I'm not leaving him with you," Rinny snapped. He turned to her slowly, appearing agitated at first but never responding. "What for? So you can mess him up? Varric, you stay with Cole. At least you give a shit about him. Solas will go with me."

"If that is preferable to you, Inquisitor."

Like Dorian, Varric did not think it sounded like too bright an idea. "You sure about that, Rinny?"

"For my Cole, anything." Rinny hugged Cole's face into her chest nuzzling his head, making Varric wonder if Cole could really find no pleasure in it. "Varric, you make sure my baby's arm gets taken care of," she said in a cutesy voice, kissing Cole's forehead.

"Of course, your inquisitorialness."

"And you," she pointed at Cole. "Don't you leave me for too long. You know how I worry."

"Yes. I will be back by your side shortly."

Once they were back in the forest, Rinny tried to ignore Solas's presence entirely. She looked through one of the skulls then glanced over it, trying to see where it was she needed to go. "Okay," she said aloud to herself and started down the hill in front of her.

"Are you going to pretend I'm not here?" Solas finally asked her.

"I was," she shrugged casually. "It was working pretty well until you opened your mouth."

"I thought you had been telling everyone you weren't upset. Don't tell me you have a heart after all?"

Rinny chuckled softly, "no, I don't. Hearts are for the weak. I don't care why you did what you did and it doesn't bother me. If it did, you would've had a dagger in your back when you walked away."

"Am I to believe that all your declarations of affection were only a ploy?"

"Any loving words I had for you, had as much value as the words you said to me," Rinny growled, clenching her fists. "So I guess you could say, we were both equally full of shit. If you have something to say to me, say it and quit dicking around."

"As you wish. Your attachment to Cole; it is not very becoming. He is not a child nor is he the person he seems to be."

Rinny's upper lip twitched slightly seeing as how she loved Cole the way he was and sought only to support and protect the compassion spirit. "Cole… is… Cole." She sarcastically added, "I'm so sorry you weren't able to twist him into what you wanted him to be."

"He is a spirit and it is what he will always be. He does not require your fussing about over him," Solas sounded agitated as though he had been trying to explain this to her for some time.

"I will stop treating him the way I do if he objects to it. Cole is not a thing. He made his choice to become more human."

"No, you did that against my urging."

"I didn't do shit. It was what he wanted and who cares what you thought was best?" she snapped suddenly and turned to face him. "What? Only the great and powerful Solas knows what's best for everyone? Ugh, you just think every thought that comes out your head is pure gold. Okay then, how should I cut my hair then, hmm? And what should I wear to bed? Who gives a fuck?! It's not as if anyone's going to see it! And don't you tell me I'm too close to him when you would've fried some bitches over the mistake they made with your friend. That boy means the world to me so you better believe me when I say that if you bring him any pain, I will putyou_ down_."

"Why would I do such a thing?"

"That's a really good question but I don't know why you're asking me. You made it pretty clear that I never really knew you so I'm going to assume you capable of anything. You think I'm angry now? You just try and hurt that boy and you'll find out just how sadistic I can be."

"Really? Because after our time together, I gained the impression you were more of a masochist." Rinny's eyes squinted as though she were daring him to continue. "Or was it your intention to mislead me?"

"How about this? How about you shut up before I put my fist through your face?"

"I'm not entirely sure you possess either the strength or the resolve to manage such a feat."

"Ugh! Cut that shit out! You always have to have the last word, don't you?"

"Perhaps if you were not ending your statements with questions, I would not feel the need to respond."

Rinny's head tilted slightly and she smiled a crooked smirk. "I fucking hate you."

After Rinny easily defeated Corypheus, she was hardly surprised to hear that Solas had disappeared. She hardly cared. She knew it would be easier for her not to have to see him each day. Pleased to hear her closest friends would be staying with her in Skyhold, Rinny finally retreated to her own room.

Rinny sat on the edge of her bed, not daring to bring herself to lie down alone on her massive bed in the dark room. She heard the door open and immediately perked herself back up as though she could not have been better. Dorian and Sera both came into her room. Sera jumped on the bed behind her, rolling over on it until she was right behind Rinny. Dorian sat on the bed beside her.

"What're you doing moping in here when you've got that fancy getup to be at?" Sera asked her.

"Oh, you know…" Rinny shrugged smiling weakly.

"Actually, I don't or else I wouldn't have asked."

"Sera," Dorian pushed her leg slightly.

"Alright. So here's the thing, elfy, you don't need that hobo with his head up the Fade's ass. You're better than that or else I wouldn't still be here."

"And neither would I," added Dorian.

Rinny forced weak smile, "that's sweet, guys and I'm glad you came to tell me-"

"Not glad enough," retorted Sera promptly, "or else you wouldn't still look so sulky. I'm glad he's gone. Good riddance I say. He was dragging you down anyway."

"Maybe…"

"Not maybe. Definitely," Dorian reasserted. "I mean, the Inquisitor should hang off the arm of a man who at the very least knows how to dress himself."

"Look, guys, I'm fine. I'm not bothered by what happened. Really."

"Oh, right, right," Sera chuckled, "that's why you're hiding here in the dark, secretly hoping he'll show up."

"Sera!" Dorian snapped at her.

"Right, what I mean is, you've been pretending to be okay for a long time."

"And everyone knows you're not," Dorian went on. "But you insist on acting like you don't care."

Rinny threw up her hands, "what good would it do me to cry about it? It's not going to change anything. He made up his mind and I don't want to look desperate. At the very least, I can keep my dignity."

"No," said Sera, "I'm pretty sure he took that with him too."

"Are you trying to make things worse?"

"We can't all have that fancy way with words like you got, Dorian." Sera sat up on the bed behind him so she could face Rinny. "Elfy, you just need to know that it doesn't matter what that tight ass thinks of you. You're pretty, you're famous, a hero and most importantly, you've got us." She threw herself on Dorian's back, hugging him from behind. "Now, who else can say that?"

Rinny could not keep herself from laughing, "fair enough. You guys make a good point. I am lucky and I do know that."

"You better or else we might find someone else to sell our services to."

"Well, she might. I wouldn't dream of it."

Rinny's smile got much bigger suddenly. "Cole…"

Sera threw herself back on the bed, wanting to be able to see where he was. He was standing at the edge of the bed. "Ugh, he's back to his sneaking and freaky ass shit."

"I knocked but no one said anything," Cole said calmly.

"Fair enough," Dorian told him, standing up. "Let's get out of here, Sera, before you piss your pants."

She scoffed as she rolled off the bed, following Dorian down the stairs, "oh, one time that happens and you never let me live it down."

Rinny smiled as she listened to their voices fade down the stairs. "It is good to see you smile," Cole told her.

"I can't help it," she giggled, "those two make me crazy but I don't know what I'd do without them."

"Do you think I help like they do?"

"I think maybe you help more."

"Yes, I see that. Corypheus is gone and so is your purpose but you want to help me. It give you new purpose. Does that mean helping me, helps you?"

"It makes me feel like I'm needed."

"Then I will stay for as long as I can help." Cole sat beside her on the bed. "There is so much hurt in you. You bury it so deep. No one should see what I feel. They would turn it against me. Use it to hurt me more. They always do. I will not be made a fool of. Be strong, like nothing hurts me. Cry in the dark, when no one can hear and no one can see the pain."

"Yeah, well… there's no reason anyone would want to see that anyway."

"What if someone wanted to help?"

Rinny shook her head weakly, "it's like you said, they'd turn it against me and it would just be… embarrassing."

"Do I embarrass you?"

"Not really, no. You're like my child and when children say embarrassing things, you over look it because they don't know any better."

"And you know I would never try to hurt you. You have nothing to fear from me. So I could help, couldn't I?"

"I guess…"

Cole turned himself around on the bed so he was facing her and held his arms out toward her. Without a word, Rinny scooted herself a bit closer to him and hugged him, closing her eyes. The awkward way his hands fumbled as he tried to figure how he ought to hug her back, brought a small smile to her face.

"Solas will not recover," he said softly, patting her head. "You are stronger than he is and people care for you. They will help heal the hurt."

"Cole," she whispered, touching the side of her face, "am I… ugly?"

"Your skin is marked but it leaves no mark on who you are underneath it, the person who helps and asks only in return for someone to need her. She is very pretty."


End file.
